I has been nearly a full year since I have written. There is no reason for this beyond that of just a busy life. Facebook has taken over my need to post family pictures for our Texas relatives to view, and my desires to write have proven to be too time consuming for my hectic life. Excuses, excuses. I am at work at this moment, and I really shouldn't attempt to write this while I am answering phone calls and emails but I felt the need to start.
I am now standing in the midst of a trial. A trial that the Lord is using to reach out to me, to teach me, and direct my focus toward Him. Kevin is out of work, and no income is coming in beyond what I make at my job. My income basically covers all our monthly bills but leaves nothing left over for groceries or gas. A family of four creates a sizable grocery bill even if two are under the age of five (you have to admit they are big for their ages). I have a 40 minute drive to work so our gas usage is a little high itself. So here in lies a big part of my trial.. tithing in the midst of a real financial strain.
Since moving to PA my income has gone down substantially, and I have had a hard time retraining my thinking in regards to spending. Prior to moving here the idea of hand me downs for my future children would cause me to be sick to my stomach, now it is like Christmas when a friend hands me a box of her children's' outgrown clothes. When I met Kevin, he practically furnished his living room with items he found on the side of the road (the very idea made not want to sit on the couch--and, no, he no longer owns any of that furniture). But now I find myself looking for treasures (such as the like new superyard I found). The idea of being a working mom was absolutely out of the question, but now I find myself in the position of being the sole working parent (temporarily).
God, I believe, has been doing a work in me of trusting Him for our everyday needs. I have always been one that wanted to be ahead of the game: savings in the bank, vacations planned a year in advance, bills paid early, etc. Now I find myself praying that the bills wont get paid late, and that we will have enough money to drive to work next week. So far God has provided. A month before Kevin was given the news that he would be losing his job we had decided we needed to be more diligent with our tithing. I, being a fearful mother, tithed only when it was convenient, when the money for bills already went out, and I knew we had enough to spare. No stepping out in faith for me...much too scary. So what happens when I finally commit with my husband to tithe faithfully no matter what? The organization he works for closes it's doors. On top of that we find out when he applied for unemployment that Teen Challenge is exempt from unemployment. Next we had several repairs arise on the truck that had to be made immediately. Than I received a bill from the IRS saying we owe them $500 from a mistake in our 2008 taxes. Twice we had a buyer for our extra car, and both backed out at the last minute. This is what tithing has done to us? Can you imagine my emotions at this time? I was on a roller coaster ride. One minute I was stomping on the devil and declaring, "God will get us through, this is a test and we will not be defeated, we will tithe faithfully!" The next I was crying to Kevin that it was too hard, "I am freaking out! How will be feed our children?" I was declaring my frustrations toward God. (I am a bit emotional...I admit I am where Hannah gets it from.)
I believe the plain and simple truth is that God knows this is an issue for me. Having our finances safe and organized and knowing all will be taken care of is very important to me (I think to most women). We want to be taken care of and have to only focus on our children and our homes. But God has something in store for me that entails trusting Him with even our basic needs such as food and clothing.
Kevin and I are both called into God's ministry, and we believe God is leading in that direction now but there are some real lessons we need to learn about trusting Him before we are ready. We have recently been relying on others to help us out with childcare and even food to get through this time--talk about swallowing pride--but I think it shouldn't be that way. As a church we are called to help one another and support one another in a time of trial. Maybe your turn will be next? I doubt you would be as emotional as I, but I will be here to help if I am able. Pray for us, and we will pray for you. Neighbors, let's all band together and help one another as God calls us to, and not allow the spirit of pride to intervene.
