Here We Are

It is almost November. The weather is colder, some days. My thoughts are moving toward Christmas shopping and Thanksgiving dinner. Kevin is working quite a bit in November so that we can be ready for some upcoming expenses which leaves me with quite a bit of time alone with the kids. I have been reading a bit, a lot actually. I wouldn't be surprised if the librarians knew my name by now...not only for my frequent visits but because of my noisy attempts to keep the girls quiet and to stop running.

The urge to write has been very strong. My nerves and self doubt toward my abilities to undergo this task are daunting, but I really want to do it. No matter if I am the only one to ever read this novel. I am going to set it in the form of fiction, but the idea is based on the time period of when I met Kevin. A story on fears, love, faith and inner strength. I think it will make a good story. I am just at the stage of writing down ideas and working out the flow. I hope I can stay focused and be disciplined to write during the small windows of free time that I have.

The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink and clamoring to become visible. ~Vladimir Nabakov

This Summer

Many changes have occurred this summer, and yet none of them were changes that I anticipated. We have taken a break on the improvements upon the house (just burned out). Kevin lost his job and got a new one, thus our entire schedule at home has changed. Things seem much busier (if that is possible). We did change churches and, though there are good things about that decision, there are sad things that went along with the change. We have hardly seen any of our Clarks Green friends since changing churches, and though this is understandable (we are not in their lives and visiting every Sunday and Wednesday or involved in the same church activities) it's still a bit sad. Though with that move God has been moving in our lives, and we have been growing to know Him on a much deeper level. Many tests of faith have come in to play this summer which has been a bit of a struggle, but God is a constant support. I started a new blog. Kevin has started teaching a bible study.

Some things remain constant. The girls have continued to grow. Becca's speech is improving, and her vocabulary is growing. Hannah is slowly learning to read, and has really taken to heart the responsibility of being a big sister. Money is still a constant frustration. The bathroom scale still reads about the same. The house for sale sign is still tucked behind the corner cabinet.

Good and bad...that about sums it up...that's life. Summer is mostly over, which I absolutely hate that thought, but it's been a summer of growth and learning.

Below are some pictures from this summer for you to enjoy:

We LOVE Chocolate Ice Cream!! Forth of July!!

Bathing Beauties:

Hannah-Bot, face painting & fishing at Mill City Church:

Girls at the local Fireman's Fair:

**Just a little addition: Becca has not had a potty accident all weekend...YEAH!!

Long Time..Now You are Hearing From Me

I has been nearly a full year since I have written. There is no reason for this beyond that of just a busy life. Facebook has taken over my need to post family pictures for our Texas relatives to view, and my desires to write have proven to be too time consuming for my hectic life. Excuses, excuses. I am at work at this moment, and I really shouldn't attempt to write this while I am answering phone calls and emails but I felt the need to start.

I am now standing in the midst of a trial. A trial that the Lord is using to reach out to me, to teach me, and direct my focus toward Him. Kevin is out of work, and no income is coming in beyond what I make at my job. My income basically covers all our monthly bills but leaves nothing left over for groceries or gas. A family of four creates a sizable grocery bill even if two are under the age of five (you have to admit they are big for their ages). I have a 40 minute drive to work so our gas usage is a little high itself. So here in lies a big part of my trial.. tithing in the midst of a real financial strain.

Since moving to PA my income has gone down substantially, and I have had a hard time retraining my thinking in regards to spending. Prior to moving here the idea of hand me downs for my future children would cause me to be sick to my stomach, now it is like Christmas when a friend hands me a box of her children's' outgrown clothes. When I met Kevin, he practically furnished his living room with items he found on the side of the road (the very idea made not want to sit on the couch--and, no, he no longer owns any of that furniture). But now I find myself looking for treasures (such as the like new superyard I found). The idea of being a working mom was absolutely out of the question, but now I find myself in the position of being the sole working parent (temporarily).

God, I believe, has been doing a work in me of trusting Him for our everyday needs. I have always been one that wanted to be ahead of the game: savings in the bank, vacations planned a year in advance, bills paid early, etc. Now I find myself praying that the bills wont get paid late, and that we will have enough money to drive to work next week. So far God has provided. A month before Kevin was given the news that he would be losing his job we had decided we needed to be more diligent with our tithing. I, being a fearful mother, tithed only when it was convenient, when the money for bills already went out, and I knew we had enough to spare. No stepping out in faith for me...much too scary. So what happens when I finally commit with my husband to tithe faithfully no matter what? The organization he works for closes it's doors. On top of that we find out when he applied for unemployment that Teen Challenge is exempt from unemployment. Next we had several repairs arise on the truck that had to be made immediately. Than I received a bill from the IRS saying we owe them $500 from a mistake in our 2008 taxes. Twice we had a buyer for our extra car, and both backed out at the last minute. This is what tithing has done to us? Can you imagine my emotions at this time? I was on a roller coaster ride. One minute I was stomping on the devil and declaring, "God will get us through, this is a test and we will not be defeated, we will tithe faithfully!" The next I was crying to Kevin that it was too hard, "I am freaking out! How will be feed our children?" I was declaring my frustrations toward God. (I am a bit emotional...I admit I am where Hannah gets it from.)

I believe the plain and simple truth is that God knows this is an issue for me. Having our finances safe and organized and knowing all will be taken care of is very important to me (I think to most women). We want to be taken care of and have to only focus on our children and our homes. But God has something in store for me that entails trusting Him with even our basic needs such as food and clothing.

Kevin and I are both called into God's ministry, and we believe God is leading in that direction now but there are some real lessons we need to learn about trusting Him before we are ready. We have recently been relying on others to help us out with childcare and even food to get through this time--talk about swallowing pride--but I think it shouldn't be that way. As a church we are called to help one another and support one another in a time of trial. Maybe your turn will be next? I doubt you would be as emotional as I, but I will be here to help if I am able. Pray for us, and we will pray for you. Neighbors, let's all band together and help one another as God calls us to, and not allow the spirit of pride to intervene.