I just started realizing all I write about is our current events and describe Hannah's pictures. I thought I should share some of my thoughts now and then. What the heck, it's therapeutic and a free audience!
Last night I had a dream...a dream where I didn't know where Kevin was and something bad was happening. I had Hannah in my arms giving me that sad lip and scared eyes that she gives before the tears flow...she wanted me to make things better, but I couldn't. I hate when things go bad, and they are out of my control. I hate that this world has so many problems and so much evil, and there is no way I can protect my children at all times for their whole lives. I say to God, "I hate when I can't make things better. I hate that my children will not live in a peaceful, loving world. I pray nothing harms them." The response I get from God, "Trust Me." He knows this is a hard thing for me...I am a fixer...I see a problem, and I analyze it until I come up with a solution. But again he repeats two more times to me, "Trust Me." God help me to trust You.
One good thing in my corner is Kevin. Trusting God and not worrying is something he is so good at (kind of frustrates me). But he is good at helping me to remember to relax and wait...he's been reminding me of that since before we were dating. Kevin's faith is something I really appreciate and rely on. His knowledge and understanding sometimes amazes me and spurs me on to grow more. He is helpful too to remind me that I need to read the bible more and to trust God. One of these days I hope I can actually do it without a reminder.
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